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anti_adoption
Hi 
5th-Aug-2009 12:34 am
adoption

My name is Jen. 
I am an adoptee. I was one of the lucky ones in that I have a great adoptive family. Both my adoptive parents have passed away. (my mom las August.) All I have now is my sister. 

In 2001 I finally got up the nerve to search for my birth family. I had the help of a group called PAC which stands for Pittsburgh Adoption Connection. It's a search and support group founded by a birth mom. She became a good friend of mine. She gave up her daughter when she was only 17. She still to this day feels she was totally forced into it. 

Anyway, my search went really quick. I discovered that my maternal grand parents were still living in the same house. 
My birth mother passed away at the age of 27. She was dating a guy who everyone is pretty sure killed her. 
My birth father never knew about me. He died when he was 35. Complications from a car accident, diabetes, alcoholism...

My whole life I was always pro-adoption. 

But now I definitely lean away from it. I understand why in some instances it can be a good thing, like if the child is in danger living with the birth parents, (Abusive, drug addicts what have you.) But only if no one else in the birth family can take the child. 

I think it is so important to know where you came from. I love my family, but wish more than anything my birth mother had raised me. 
I never really felt like my name was my name... if that makes any sense. And while no one ever made me feel like i didn't belong, deep down inside I knew something wasn't right. 

So that's me in a nut shell, and those are my thoughts...

Poll #1439874 Which part of the triad are you?

What are you?

Adoptee
7(53.8%)
Birth parent
1(7.7%)
adoptive parent
0(0.0%)
none of the above
5(38.5%)



 Anyone else read the book primal wound by Nancy Verrier? 

Thoughts?
Comments 
(Deleted comment)
5th-Aug-2009 05:15 am (UTC)
I did have a relationship with my maternal birth family. Actually a pretty good one... except for my grand mother... she had issues.

Basically I feel that she was uncomfortable having me around because I was proof that she lied to everyone she knew for 30 years.

My Grandfather passed away in 2004. Some stupid shit happened at the funeral home, and I was asked to "stay away for a while". Not knowing what "A while" is, since I was away for 30 years the first time, I haven't pushed it. I did send her a Christmas card a couple years ago just to let her know I had moved and to giver her my new contact info should she ever want to use it.
Never heard from her.

The person I miss most is my uncle. He was 13 when his sister was pregnant with me. He never knew it. That REALLY messed with his head, knowing that his parents, and sister had kept that from him all those years.

I would have contact with him, but he lives with Gram since my grand father did everything, and she could never keep up with the property on her own. I don't want him to feel like he is stuck in the middle, so I leave it alone. Sucks though. He and I had this really strong instant connection. I just look at him and my soul knows he is blood... he's the only person I've ever had that feeling towards before.

I was adopted when I was a week old... well it wasn't finalized till 2 years later, but I was home with my family right away.

I have 2 half brothers too. One is my bmom's son, the other my bdad's son. Both named Tom... go figure.
My Bmom's son and I actually went to high school together. He didn't know me but for some reason he singled me out, and attempted to make my life hell.
Every time I had to walk past him and his friends, they would all harass me. It was really bad.
Finding out all those years later that he was actually my brother was a real mind bender for me.
I tried to give him a chance to be my brother... but if he died tomorrow, I probably wouldn't shed a tear.
5th-Aug-2009 05:15 am (UTC)
Sorry I got all rambly, I could write a book.
5th-Aug-2009 10:20 pm (UTC)
Hon, I think most of us could.
26th-Sep-2009 07:03 am (UTC)
i have that green ribbon on your icon, and a white ribbon tattoed onto my lower left back, the white one stands for the adoptee in an adoption, and oviously the green for open records and it says"open" under it.
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